Well I am linkmaster99, and I feel I should share a part of my writing with all of you. I don't think I am any good at it, but this is a anime I made up into a story. Sit tight, and enjoy the show. No really I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 1#
How it all began

Hi I am Trevor, and I was a ordinary boy until something odd happened to me. One day I was on my home playing my game, and then I felt the sudden need to go outside. I don't know if this was fated to happen to me, or what, but it did. Let me start at the beginning, I was about to go outside when I was interrupted by my little brother Alan. Alan what in the world are you doing stay away. Trevor please can I come outside with you. NO YOU CAN'T! But why I am bored. Ok I will let you come out for 10 minutes with me, but that is it. Yay thanks Trevor your the best. Ok we will be in the back yard. Now anyways you couldn't have been bored Alan how in the world were you bored you just got new games, and toys. Wait before I continue any longer. Trevor 12 yrs., Alan 9 yrs. Well I don't feel like playing games I feel I need to excersize a bit. Wait what do you mean whenever I come in your room you are glued to that game, you evan ignore moms calls, and when I have to drag you out you always act a fool. Well I feel I need to take a break from it. Ok suit yourself I am only training to fight good. Oh want to train me. Sure as long as you can handle it. Sure I can I am Alan. Here we are the back yard. Yeah, and that old well always creeps me out. Well I want to know that it down there. Maybe something you wouldn't want to know about. Oh well let's just get this fight started. I hope you know I'm not going easy on you because you my little brother. Ok so freaking what. This is what. Ha *punch punch punch punch kick*. Ow that hurt when did your hits ever hurt me. Grr I have you know I never hit you seriously. Oh no wonder. Ok since you dozed off take this. Ha * kick kick kick kick kick*. Oof ow that hurted as well. Now you gotta pay. Ha! No Alan you pushed me down the well. Uh oh. What ever you do not come down he-. What WHAT! Oh well I think he said come down there. Hold on I am coming to save you from down there. I need to get some better cloths though. AHHHHHHH! I am to young to die. I swear what am I to do. Oh well at least I know Alan is safe now.Wait what is that . It is a light up ahead.I wonder where it will take me. Wait what the heck it is dirt everywhere. Oof! Now this is a start of new friendship. Hey Sam, how long are we going to be on this deserted desert. I don't know, but Mac did tell us to improve our skill. Oh well look who's talking all he does is sit around watching fighting cartoons all day. Don don't you get it. He get's his techniques from tho-. What the world who is this. I don't know should we get him out. Of coarse we should why would we leave him. Ok Don you get him out since my poison powers would kill him. Ok Water Knat. *splash*! Huh wait who are you. LEARN SOME MANNERS I AM THEGIRL WHO SAVED YOU TARD. Oh sorry.

This is the end of my Chapter 1# I should be coming out with a chapter 2# soon. 

mohammedroxx3 :
SuperCrash64:
TornadoMudkip :
marcus047 :
Razor-987 :
TreasurePlanet23 :
GuardianZack :
play4fun :
Beastmode64 :
GenesisJunkie :
Eirinn :
Dean2k13 :
FunnyFurret :
DittoDude44:
austipokedude :

I want to see what all of you reply to on the first chapter of my story. Thank you. And you all are all my most valued friends so that is why I summoned you here. I really hope you all like it .

That story had me on my heels the whole time I can't wait until chapter two comes out!I wonder what the girl in the well was doing down there maybe this information will be provided in chapter two.

Wow, this is good I think this is a really good first part of your story and it is hilarious to read at the part when you and your brother are fighting and I can't wait to see what happens in the next part. Are those the kids down in the well? Sam and Mac, it was a little hard to follow in some parts, but I think the fight between you and your brother was epic and funny as you went down the well, I thought it was especially funny when you told your brother not to come down there and he misunderstood you and came down with you. Overall, I think this is a really cool, funny story and I can't wait to see chapter 2! Keep up the good work and keep writing!

austipokedude :
Razor-987 :

Thank you both of you for your positive replies. 

Failed Summons

SuperCrash64 :
DittoDude44.

linkmaster99 : It was way too ran together. I had a hard time understanding what was going on, because I couldn't tell where one sentence began, and another ended. You need to focus on the difference between a/an, and make sure to use quotations for instances of dialogue and onomatopoeia. You need to separate your events into paragraph form, and blocks of dialogue always get their own line apart from the paragraph structure.

I like the concept and visuals, but the characters and environments are too bland. People won't pay attention to the story, unless they feel some sort of attachment to it. We need more than just a name or a place; we need descriptive personal traits and scenery detail. This is an okay chapter, but you dove into the plot far too quickly. You need to take more time drawing the reader in and building suspense, so that they have a better understanding of what is going on. A story that progresses quickly, is most often over before it even begins.

Instead of moving on to chapter two, I would take the time to rewrite this several times over as a rough draft, so that you end up with a more polished final version.

It was really good! Although I do agree with GuardianZack on some points. Especially the a/an thing. Maybe he's right and you should remake this version. But it definitely is good! Btw, have you made story's before or is this your first one?

Nice, link! Its ok oyu summonfailed me twice, austipokedude told me. I loved your story! You are awesome!

FunnyFurret : Well really I am not used to doing this online. I usually do it on paper. I really don't know how to write online well. I am writing a Pokémon story using word pad back my moms maybe I can put it on my flash drive, and bring it here.

Good job my man! I thought it was pretty funny. Keep on writing!

This was a nice start. I would work on the points that GuardianZack mentioned, and see if you could fine tune this and your writing style. This has potential to be a really good fantasy story. I look forward to seeing what you do with it.

linkmaster99 : Wow, thats a great story! It might be a little hard to understand like what GaurdianZack said but other than that it's great! 

Can't wait for part 2!

linkmaster99 : Very nice story!I'll definitely read the second chapter.I do agree with GuardianZack though.Next chapter, don't leave everything too ran together.When a character is speaking, put quotation marks at the beginning and the end.For example,                                                                  "Why can't you just take a break from playing video games all the time?".Another example could be,                                                                                                "Clean your room.".I hope this helps you.Let me know when the second chapter has been posted.I would like to read it.Overall, you did a very good job.Keep up the good work!

favroiting to keep ready for future inspiration if u post anouther can u please summon me

thetruemasterofgames : Sure ok from now on you are one of my most valued friends.

linkmaster99 : thank u i too am a writer i hope to get the book published some day
i am stuck for ideas so yeah this one helped break some lose i wont go into detail but one of them is called creature tamer

linkmaster99 : nice story,even though you have showend off a load of creativity which is nice so I give you kudos to that,but however Next time try organizing the story a little. because the story was a bit cramped and ran togheter like guaradianzack had said,.. overall not bad.. It just could use some tweaking to make it better

linkmaster99 : Cool Story, I enjoyed reading it.
The Story was a little cramped, but that's fine.
You can learn from your mistakes, that's good.
Can't wait for Part 2, keep it up making good Stories!

TornadoMudkip : Thank you, I plan on making chapter 2 in about 2 days or so on.

May I make a couple of helpful suggestions here?
As a fellow writer, I'd like to advise that it is wise to try and be descriptive, and to build your characters before you write.
I.E. Who exactly is Trevor? Where does he live, and what does he look like? Is he a big, strong man, or is he a scrawny nerd with cute little glasses he is always pushing back onto his nose?
Also, the font on your Layout is honestly an eyesore when it comes to larger posts (And I'm one to talk about that, lol. If only I could find a font that will actually work well with this Layout). I suggest disabling it before you make your story post, as that will make it easier for people to read.
As GuardianZack mentioned, quotations, paragraph separation (indentation never really hurt either, but it is never a must unless you are writing an essay.)
And, finally, your "action commands" make the story seem a little more like a very informal roleplay. If you really wish to keep an audience, or attract a larger one, I suggest this:
Instead of using *boom kick pow* as your actions, you could write it a little like this: Trevor ran at Alan, catching him by surprise, and landed a swift kick to his side. "Ow, that actually hurt!" said Alan, before executing an uppercut aimed at his older brother's chin.

I believe this has the potential to be a great story, if you would slow down and take some time to consider and develop your plot and characters. The are some people, like myself, who develop their characters, and then create the world and plot around those characters. Just be careful if you do that.

Other than all that, I wish you the best of luck, and please feel free to contact me if you need any help with your writing!